Regretting You

“I don’t understand how my body can be full of everything bodies are full of—bones and muscles and blood and organs—yet my chest sometimes feels vacant, as if someone could scream into my mouth and it would echo inside of me.”

The novel begins with 17-year-old Morgan describing the emptiness she feels even though she is in a seemingly happy relationship with Chris. As a teenager, Morgan was beginning to recognize that she wanted more out of life, but her journey of self-discovery was uprooted by her sudden pregnancy. Morgan continues this journey at 34 years old in the aftermath of Chris and Jenny’s deaths as she works to discover what she truly wants and needs out of life.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. Now that Clara is getting older, I’ve been feeling this gaping hole inside me, like it’s sucking the air out of each day that passes by, where all I do is live for Chris and Clara.”

At 34, Morgan details the internal conflict that has been growing inside of her now that her daughter Clara is going through The Transition from Childhood to Adulthood. As Clara grows more independent, Morgan begins to realize what is missing from her life. She longs for more. Hoover accelerates this journey of self-discovery after Chris and Jenny’s deaths leave Morgan grappling with her life choices.

“Maybe that’s another reason I don’t like that Jonah’s back. I don’t like seeing Chris through Jonah’s eyes.”

Morgan remarks on her dislike for Jonah’s return to their lives as the father of Jenny’s son Elijah. She notes Jonah’s ability to see Chris’s immaturity, which Morgan avoids confronting because she doesn’t like to acknowledge her unhappiness in her marriage. Jonah functions as a reminder of what Morgan truly desires and of how incompatible she and Chris are as a couple.