Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Genital response does not always match the level of arousal. Some women may feel aroused without a release of fluid from the Bartholin’s glands; the release of this fluid is commonly referred to as what happens when women are “wet.” The misalignment between this fluid and arousal is called “nonconcordance.” All women and men experience nonconcordance. A man’s penis may become erect even when he does not feel sexually aroused; similarly, a woman may experience wetness when she is not aroused. The reverse is true as well. Both men and women may be aroused without genital response. Men experience approximately 50% overlap between arousal and genital response, while women experience approximately 10%. Dr. Nagoski recommends listening to a partner’s words in determining arousal rather than paying attention to genital response.

Nonconcordance also occurs in emotional response. Humans often have an “involuntary physiological response” (198). Their bodies react in ways that misalign with what their brains are thinking. In contrast to genital response, women are more likely to have concordance between their facial expressions and their subjective experiences. Dr. Nagoski outlines three myths about nonconcordance that she suggests are dangerous to women.