A Little Life

Jude is consumed with dread about his sexual relationship with Willem. After delaying sex for months, he finally consents to introducing sex to the relationship. He does this not because he wants to, however, but because he feels any adult romantic relationship is supposed to include sex and he is failing Willem by not agreeing to it. Inside, he hates it as much as ever. He had hoped that his anxieties around sex would disappear in the context of a loving relationship, but he finds that his trauma is too profound for such a magical disappearance. Willem asks him directly if he likes the sex they have, but Jude lies and says he does.

Complicating the relationship even further, Willem begins an aggressive campaign to get Jude to stop cutting. He first tries removing Jude’s razors, then tries laying on top of him when he tries to get up in the middle of the night to cut. Finally, at his wit’s end, Willem cuts himself in an effort to force Jude to see what it feels like to watch a loved one engage in self-harm. Jude hates disappointing Willem and would stop cutting if he could—if the addiction were not so engrained.